War On Women: Massacre On Men? otherwise known as WOW MOM

The following things happened this week:

A 30 year old girl, who is a well known and liked celebrity, testified against the man accused of killing her mother, brother and nephew. The man is her sister’s husband and a person the woman has known since middle school. He has a history of jealousy and violence.

A 23 year old girl has the following interaction on an online dating site:
Him: Don’t you ever look at me. Your only job is to suck dick and cook.
Her: Wow, thats offensive. Women are more important then just making a meal and servicing you sexually!
Please don’t message me again.
Him: Whatever, baby.

A 16 year-old girl received a text message from the boy she has a crush on. The text read: “I fucked your best friend. She’s such a slut.” Same boy brags to friends that he is on a conquest “take their V’s” referring to the girls in his class. Two girls have already been an unknowing part of his plan.

There was also this.

I am PISSED OFF and you should be too! And so should those girls and  the boys and all the people who know and love them.

Tomorrow people are gathering in communities all over this country because they are ANGRY, they are HURT, they are SHAMED by the way we are allowing our daughters, wives, sisters, mothers to be treated. And it is my hope that these same people (and maybe you too) feel all of those things just as passionately about the way this country continues to TOLERATE, ALLOW and even ENCOURAGE our sons, brothers, husbands, fathers to establish their identities and sense of self through violence, bravado, sexual domination and emotional detachment.

THIS IS NOT OK. WE NEED HELP.

Things that will help:

1. Feminism! There are lots of definitions (and lots of other words) but all feminist values begin with a comittment to selfhood beyond the patriarchal framework that has bound us ALL in systematically defined, binary gender roles.

2. Education! Read a fucking book, people. Go see a play, for crying out loud. Take a freaking class. There are abou a bazillion ways to learn about the world around you. Pick one you are interested one. If you have no interest, then what the fuck is the point? Why are you here?

3. Dialogue! Talk to people, even if it is just one person, when things happen. Whether it’s to you or not. And, if you think it doesn’t affect you, IT DOES. Sexism, Racism, Homophobia… It affects us all. It won’t change unless we make it change and it it can’t be real until we give it a voice. Enough problems with no names. Name it, say it, change it. It can get better.

But, mostly, more than anything else. WE NEED LOVE.

WE

NEED

LOVE

To feel it, to create it, to share it. I’m telling you, it is not that hard. In fact, loving, is the easiest thing you’ll ever do. Always.

I’ll leave you with these words of wisdom from Lady Gaga. Naturally.

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8 comments

  1. Brant · April 27, 2012

    I’m afraid that men are too afraid to stand on their own virtue/worth/ability/skills to take a stance against suppressive actions or language, such as that in your post. When we are in a society that begets unearned power to men just because they are men then there is an incentive for them to further that construct. Men who know that their value will stand up without the patriarchal framework (aka this type of BS) must join women in fighting this truly ugly behavior.

  2. AnnieDillz · April 27, 2012

    Thank you. This message is so important and not sent often enough. We need to get through to everyone – the girls experiencing it, the men inflicting it and the cowardly bystanders who let it happen. Thanks for putting words to my thoughts!

  3. Parker · April 27, 2012

    What I want to know is…why the 23 year old woman (because she is a woman, not a girl) isn’t respected or given credit for sticking up for women and herself? And how did the 16 year old reacted? I’m a Gender Studies major and I’m always happy to see women stand up for themselves. But men aren’t the only ones to blame. A lot of women let me walk over them and brush sexist remarks off like its nothing, so I commend the young woman for not letting that man get away with it.

  4. Sabrina · April 27, 2012

    Parker your response is interesting. First, I’m not sure if you identify as male or female, but I feel your comment will change in meaning depending on where you are situated in terms of positionality.

    I like lists, so I’ll respond in with numbers.

    1. it wasn’t about giving credit for sticking up for herself, it was about the fact that there was situation where a man was being sexist, disrespectful, and rude to a woman, (also a person) he was talking to. The fact that these situations exist in the first place is often frustrating, demeaning, and quite frankly, ridiculous in 2012.

    2. Again, I don’t think it was about how the women and girls reacted, it was about the situation; I think that’s what Alicia was trying to situate in the foreground, not the responses.

    3. Women do allow sexist remarks to occur; however, if you identify as a man, your statement about “let me walk over them and brush sexist remarks off like its nothing” means something different if you identify as a woman. If you are a man saying those things, then of course we need to analyze and acknowledge your position of power over these women; it’s often that women do not speak up because of that power differential, whatever the relationship. If you identify as a woman and make sexist remarks, then I have to wonder why you are a women’s and gender studies major and are both aware and acknowledge that sexism exists and is rampant, and make those remarks in the first place? If you are male and a gender studies major, then the sexist remarks you make concern me as well, as again, you are aware and acknowledge that these exist, and that there is in fact a differential of power because we do in fact live in a patriarchal society.

    I think what Alicia is concerned about here (based on my reading of it) is that these situations often piss women off, and should, in fact, piss men off too, or anyone for that matter. The fact that these situations still exist on a regular basis and must be combated is enough to make me want to write down all the issues that make me angry and set myself on fire on the White House steps. (taken from a TED talk by the editor and founder of feministing.com).

    4. “not letting the man get away with that” is often times contingent on the circumstance; if the woman has something at stake (a job, a relationship, etc) then that power difference becomes even more problematic; yes we ALL should speak up, but we should also recognize and work to keep from participating, both through language and behavior, that which is sexist, racist, homophobic, and gendered.

    • Parker · April 27, 2012

      Well, first I’m female. Second that was a spelling error on my part, it was supposed to say “let men** walk over them.” That will probably clear a few things up.

      I wanted to respond to number two: When things like this occur, we are mostly given one side. And knowing how women handle this in a positive way rather then using insults is great role-model material. I think Alicia could have added responses to show how women are able to see past the moronic things guys say.

      As to number three: I don’t make sexist remarks. I’m a Gender Studies major because I wanted a better understanding of what is going on in the world.
      Even sexist people are allowed to be educated. Isn’t that what Alicia said? “Take a freaking class”? There are a lot of sexist guys in my class that lean in the sexist, racist, and homophobic area but at least they are learning.

      I do love how you said that we should recognize whats going on.
      I just feel like this blog was filled with anger and I wanted a more positive out look.

  5. pop! goes alicia · April 28, 2012

    Yes, this post was angry. It’s my blog and I can be angry if I want. As for role-modeling, I think it is also important to role model getting angry. To let people, especially girls and women, know that you’re allowed to be angry. My main intention when posting here, aside from it being a space for my thoughts and opinions, is to encourage readers to think about something they haven’t before or introduce them to a new perspective they haven’t considered before. I really appreciate the dialogue, everyone. Thanks for reading!

    • Carey · April 28, 2012

      Be angry! Because anger is justified. I’m so tired of women criticizing other women for the way they package their protests against misogyny. The Pankhursts were criticized for their methods but they got results and British and American women have more rights because of them. Women need to stop falling into the Nice Trap.

    • Parker · April 28, 2012

      Yes. I think we all need to get angry at times, and I’m not saying that it was bad to do so on here. I liked that this held more emotions.
      Again what I wanted was to know how the three situations above were handled. And why the author didn’t give a positive remark about the young woman standing up for her and other women. That’s what the author wanted right? For women and girls to not be silent? But when a woman spoke up, the author didn’t acknowledge it?

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